A Stitch in Time
by Keller-Bloom
Summary: Doctor Aneep Grias is the chief medical officer onboard the Star Destroyer 'Finalizer'. When she is drafted into treating one of the commanding officers with some unusual looking wounds she finds herself surprised and drawn to what she finds beneath the mask. Set between TFA and TLJ. OC/Kylo Ren. Adult themes. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Aneep wandered without purpose down the softly lit ward of the medical bay. Given the severity of the rumoured attack on a significant First Order base that had been floating around the officers' mess she had expected to be busy. However, the med bay lay silent, its beds empty.

Perhaps the Finalizer was simply too far away to be of any assistance, but then again, wasn't that what hyperspace was for?

As chief medical officer, she supposed that she could ask for clarity from General Hux, but she knew that he was currently on an away mission to Starkiller base and it was unlikely that, despite her high rank, any of his lieutenants would give her any clarity on the matter. They were all so desperate to impress him that they would never deviate from his orders and divulge any information without his blessing. That's what happened when you served under the youngest General in the First Order, you built your ambitions early and learned to be diligent. The young and the hungry were nurtured and encouraged in the Order and Hux served as a shining example of what could be achieved in a relatively short amount of time if you showed dedication. You too could command your own ship, have a fleet of star destroyers and thousands of soldiers at your fingertips and of course, most of all, you too could have a direct communication with Leader Snoke. Yes, many young officers dreamed of being in Hux's shoes.

 _Though not all of them had a daddy who helped shaped the order_. Aneep thought with a smirk.

Although she was perhaps selling Hux a little short, his father had given him very few advantages from what she could tell. Besides she was hardly one to feel smug, it was without a doubt her own parental ties that had brought her here. But still she shouldn't grumble. To be chief medical officer on the fleets flag ship, one that housed the highest ranking commanders in the Order was nothing to be sniffed at. Aneep was thrilled to have had her skills and knowledge rewarded with such an honour. There was no higher privilege that a medical office could receive (save perhaps tending to the Leader himself but that was not something that she wished for) and she could only imagine the qualities that the Order saw in her to have escalated her career so rapidly. She was, after all, only 32 standard years old herself. The thought struck her for the first time that perhaps she too stood as an example to those younger medical corpsmen who were hungry and ambitious like she had been, perhaps she was the medical model of General Hux.

 _Now that's a thought!_ She considered with a smile.

However, perhaps she and Hux stood for something different entirely. Perhaps they were being used as an example to the whole galaxy of what the Order could offer you if you had Imperialist parents. If you could prove your loyalties and the loyalties of your kin perhaps you got an automatic head start. Perhaps it is more who you knew than what you know to advance in the First Order. She considered this rather sadly for a moment before shaking off her qualms. She doubted anyone in the galaxy knew more about bacta treatments than she did, nor could respond to multiple casualties with the efficiency she had shown over the years. She was an expert in the field of plasma burns, laser wounds, radiation sickness and blood burn. She could singlehandedly treat a whole ward of broken soldiers without losing a single one with the efficiency that only a childhood of training by medically genius parents could offer.

 _Small hands also help_. She mused. _As well as the ability to triage without second guessing oneself_.

She didn't like these lingering doubts over her competency. She'd never liked the idea that she'd advanced over others simply because of who her parents were and not on her own merit. Normally these sorts of thoughts never bothered her, but lately they had crept into her mind as each quiet cycle had rolled on to the next. The issue was that'd she'd been given time to think…the issue was that she was bored.

When one joins a secret and hidden organisation bent on restoring galaxy wide order as a young and naïve person you tend to imagine action and adventure. In Aneep's case she pictured being elbow deep in wards of wounded Stormtroopers, all bloodied and beaten waiting to be saved by the miracle doctor with the young face and shocking white blonde hair. That's the dream she had been sold and that's what she had imagined life in the First Order to be like. She could serve on the war torn battle wards of a star destroyer, saving lives and mending soldiers just like her parents had done over 30 years before her.

She'd been 21 when the fledgling Order had approached her and she'd been bored then too. Bored of knowing more than her fellow medical corps students. Bored of the endless papers she'd have to submit and the ceaseless amounts of reading and research she'd have to conduct. She'd wanted action, hands on experience, but it would have been another 2 standard years before she was out of simulations and into the real thing. There was not a damned thing she could have done about it. Despite her flawless results, her advanced knowledge and finishing at the top of the class every time there was no opportunities to advance her education at a faster pace. There was no quick advancement in the medical corps it would seem. The First Order had offered her more than that. Though she was no fool, she knew the offer could only come with one answer. Turning them down would have meant a painful accident for her on her way back to her dorm room she was certain (she supposed this was the easiest and most practical way to keep a secret society secret). However, she never needed the threats, she'd wanted to join. It was what she'd wanted and it's what her mother and father would have wanted too.

Eleven years later and she wasn't so sure anymore.

She'd done more research and reading over the first 5 years in the Order than she ever did as a student in the corps. She'd definitely had some hands-on experience just not as much as she'd hoped. You see the second way to keep a secret society secret is by not revealing yourself until you are ready. After eleven years of waiting she hoped that the day would come soon. Recently though, she had an idea that it might. Two days ago the ward had been bristling with impact wounds and plasma burns from a successful prisoner escape. That had been a wonderful change of pace! The prisoner had been a Resistance pilot so surely that meant that the fight was coming soon?

Aneep had excelled that day. All personnel that had been brought to her alive had exited the med-bay healed within 2 days. It'd had singlehandedly taken her 2 days to mend more than 20 individuals. She hadn't slept the whole time the crisis was in motion. She'd been busy, stressed and overworked and she'd loved every moment. Now the ward stood calm and empty once again.

 _I'm far too efficient_. She thought to herself with a grimace.

She turned and walked back to her data pad, sat and resumed her work. She was currently updating the personnel's medical files with the various treatments she had recently administered. Much of this work was usually done automatically by the medi-comp but the sudden flurry of activity had taken everyone off guard. After the planned ground assault on Jakku some casualties had been expected, however the animated prisoner escape from the ship itself only a few hours later had not been anticipated. The computer had become confused and overworked due to the sudden volume of swift treatments that had been administered within the first hour of the incident. Aneep didn't mind so much, medical records were all part of her duty, though she reminded herself to speak to Tec team about upgrading the system soon. She could have had the medical droids take care of it, but in truth she was procrastinating. She had no wish to return to her mountain of research into a more efficient nutritional portion for ground troopers. The research was interesting and useful to the Order but it was not what she wanted to do. She was not designed to sit and pour over medical journals, to theorise and pontificate as was the need in traditional academia. What she was designed for was action. She wanted blood and guts and a person's life in her hands. She wanted to cut and patch and feel the wetness beneath her fingers. She was not the type of medical officer to sit back and direct droids as they administered the treatments, she wanted to feel it for herself. That's why she had insisted on only a skeleton crew of medi-droids to assist her. She'd rationalised it to General Hux when she'd been appointed the promotion by arguing that you do not recruit the most brilliant medical mind in the galaxy and not allow her to get her hands dirty. He'd liked that. Hux always liked to see his officers display their arrogance and ego. He'd admired her that day and had granted her request. A foreign thought floated through her mind as she stared at her data pad, she wondered if he had ever admired her in any other way. Was the General even capable of admiring anyone for something other than their work ethic? Was he even in possession of a libido?

Aneep physically snorted with laughter at that thought. Hux with a sex drive? It was almost unimaginable! The man was buttoned up so tightly that she doubted that he could even feel his extremities. He was fairly attractive though, she had to admit. She'd always been fond of that flaming red hair he kept so measured and controlled under all that setting lotion. His hair was as secured and rigid as the rest of him, inside and out. She tried to imagine it looser and more tousled, like she had just run her hands through it. She pictured him a little roughed up with his collar button undone and decided that she liked that image.

 _He'd look far more relaxed, more attractive and much sexier_.

Sexier? Attractive? General Hux? She couldn't decide if he'd love or loath to be thought of in those terms. She laughed again. If she was beginning to think of Hux in _that_ way then it was surely an indication of her own frustrations. She was sexually deprived to the point of distraction. How had she not noticed it before now? Come to think of it when was the last time she had copulated? Six months ago? A year? Certainly not since she'd secured her promotion to the Finalizer and that had been… two years ago! The realisation dawned heavy on her and she exhaled loudly.

"Damn." She said aloud to the empty room.

It was entirely the promotion's fault of course- it was a celibacy of circumstance. It's not like the Order banned sexual encounters, romantic attachments yes, but not sex. Sexual intercourse was positively encouraged so long as it did not interfere with your daily duties. Pregnancy was a non-issue as all nutritional rations in the Order contained contraceptive substances (a scheme that she herself had been instrumental in developing) and so personnel were encouraged to arrange copulative encounters with viable partners at least every quarter. However, this was where her problems lie. Sex was only permitted between personnel of equivalent rank across the various operational areas in the Order. On the Finalizer this left her with three potential partners; General Hux, Captain Phasma and Kylo Ren (whose own dubious rank she only supposed made him viable). It was a narrow pool indeed. Hux's sexual appetite was seemingly non-existent, Phasma was so devoted to her work that she'd never deviate long enough for either of them to enjoy themselves, and for all Aneep knew Kylo Ren might be a pasty, balding, scarred horror beneath that mask (her father had worked on the medical team that had developed Lord Vader's bacta treatments so she knew such a thing was possible).

It had been months since the Finalizer had rendezvoused with the rest of the fleet and she had no idea if that circumstance was going to change anytime soon. This sort of thing usually never bothered her. Clearly it didn't as she hadn't realised that it had been so long since her last sexual encounter, but after a full on two days of intense and successful treatments she felt alive, full of energy and the thought of sex was rather appealing.

 _Sex with the General though? I must be mad if I was thinking about that._

Ultimately it was ego that would stop her. The thought of appealing to Hux for sex was just too mortifying to bear. That didn't mean that she couldn't imagine scenarios in private though. She was only human after all.

A sudden beeping from the communication array startled her from her fantasising. It was an incoming transmission bound directly for the chief medical officer so she knew it must be important. She answered it promptly.

"Dr Grias responding."

"Prep the medical bay immediately for an impending emergency. A single patient but this gets precedence over all other orders. Top priority. No other personnel to be involved. Discretion is advised as is maximum security."

"What's the authorisation?" she replied, bemused.

"Authorisation Q10H87. Do you comply?"

She did and turned away from the console in shock. Q10H87 was the General's authorisation code. What on earth had happened on Starkiller Base?


	2. Chapter 2

Half expecting the General himself to be stretchered in, it came as both a surprise and a relief to see his flaming red hair and stern expression march into the medical bay. He looked furious. His face reflected the thunderous roar of the as yet unknown patient being thrust into the room on a hover dolly. Aneep could not yet see the injured party, she could only hear his agonised moans from behind the storm trooper who had rolled him in. Peering behind the trooper curiously she could see gloved fingers flexing from between the gurneys bars in spasms of pain. She supposed that it must be a commander given the colour of his uniform. Though which commander would require this level of secrecy and security she had no idea.

General Hux flicked an irritated glance at the trooper.

"Leave us." He barked, and the grunt turned tail and exited.

Aneep approached the gurney with her medi-scan kit in her hand.

"What can you tell me about the nature of the injury?" She enquired, as she leaned over the top of the dolly to see her patient.

The General blinked and replied, "It appears to cause him immense pain."

Looking down properly for the first time she assessed her patient carefully. Laid writhing on the stretcher was a young man that she had never seen before. His dark wavy hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat and had been flattened by the constant rocking of his head as his body jerked with pulses of pain. His face, whilst undeniably handsome was off set by two rather startling features. The first being an ugly slash torn through the right side of his face from shoulder to temple and the second being a set of dark terrifying eyes that stared and fumed with a rage that Aneep could barely comprehend. Anger rolled off the figure like waves, it was almost palpable. The air around him shook with it, the floor of the medical bay seemed to vibrate with his fury. It scared her immensely. She felt it in the pit of her stomach like writhing, twisting serpents, so much so that she almost didn't want to reach out her hand and touch the figure. Surely that rage would lash out and strike at her like some invisible switch. She straightened her back and steadied her resolve. She was a doctor damn it, it was her duty to fix the injured. Aneep took a deep breath and tried to swallow her fears. She bid her hands not to shake as she took his face between her palms and turned his head gently towards her in order to study the wound. As soon as she touched him those wrathful eyes snapped into hers and as much as she wanted to stay cool and professional she found herself looking away. Instead she focused on the unusual lesion that was torn across his face. The wound was odd, torn deep into his flesh and yet did not bleed. The edges of it were cauterised and yet the flesh was not blackened or charred and yet it still burned red hot to the touch. She furrowed her brow with confusing. Aneep had never seen a wound like this before. In her mind she cast her memory back to her training in the corps. She seemed to remember hearing about wounds similar to this many years ago when she was under the tutelage at the corps from the oldest and most eccentric professor in charge of the medical archive. She'd been wanting ready access to more data pads and earning extra credit in the archive was the best way of achieving this. The old woman was called Dr Hirant Jok and had liked to regale her young helpers with tall tales of her exploits aboard an important medical frigate during the Clone Wars. The details had always been fairly vague. She'd often described treating wounds that seemed similar in description to this one, but she'd always boasted that they'd been inflicted by a specific weapon… but that couldn't possibly be the case here, could it?

Aneep turned to the General, "What weapon inflicted this?"

Clearly agitated Hux replied, "I did not witness it, how the hell should I know."

Aneep looked again at the mysterious patient in puzzlement. This was a lightsabre wound, it had to be. But that weapon hadn't existed in decades and the only example of one that she knew of was carried by…

"Sir," she asked, her voice drying as she spoke, "is this…is the patient Commander Ren?"

Hux snorted in disgust. "Commander? Ren has no rank in The Order. He is the Supreme Leaders pet and I must suffer his mistakes."

The air around the gurney seemed to bleed with malice. The General took a small step away from the stretcher and the man who was staring coldly up at him from it.

Aneep was shocked. She had never considered that beneath the mask would lay youth and beauty. She'd always expected…well it's hard to say what she'd expected, the man always wore a mask so she'd never tried to imagine what was underneath it. Being surrounded by helmeted troopers all day you tend to not consider what each individual may look like. It was one of the first teachings of The Order, to give up on a sense of individuality and work instead towards the collective greater good.

" _You can wonder over it later_ ," she told herself, " _there's still work to be done now._ "

Ren also had a nasty looking wound to the left side of his abdomen. This wound was more recognisable to her, it was a powerful blaster strike and something she was used to handling. Leaning further to look at it more closely she could see that this wound bled openly. It was slow but it was still active. It would seem that Ren's tight surcoat and belt had acted as a natural tourniquet. Lucky for him at the time but it meant trouble for Aneep when removing his clothes to attend to it. This was the more pressing matter. The facial wounds, whilst clearly painful were mainly cosmetic, but this side injury was life threatening.

She called over one of medical droids, "Administer three units of numbing agent." The droid made to move towards the stretcher but was suddenly and violently thrown across the room by some invisible force. The General back further away with fear in his eyes whilst Aneep's heart beat a tattoo with the shock of the sudden action.

A strained deep voice floated from the medi-bed, "No numbing agent."

Aneep forced herself to look at him in the eye and prayed her voice did not shake. "But Sir…" she began, but he cut her off.

"Nothing for the pain."

She looked up at General Hux for support but instead found him rolling his eyes with impatience. "I'll leave you to your job Doctor." He drawled, contempt dripping through every word. "He's to be taken to the Supreme Leader as soon as he's fixed. I trust that will not be long."

He frame it as a statement as opposed to a question. Aneep found herself pricking at the insult.

"Of course Sir. My work will be efficient, as it always is." She couldn't keep the contempt from out of her voice.

Hux nodded curtly and they turned on his heel and marched out of the door.

She watched him leave with anger still prickling at her skin. " _Starched up prig living off daddy's fame._ " She fumed.

A small laugh floated up from the gurney. She hadn't said the words aloud, but it was as though Ren had heard them anyway.

" _Impossible_." She thought. " _It must have been something else that's amused him_." Though considering what had happened to the droid that lay smoking in a newly formed divot in the medical bay's far wall perhaps she couldn't be so sure.

Aneep hurried to her medi-kit and removed a bacta gel patch. The side wound needed to be dealt with sooner rather than later and she removed the patch from its casing as she crossed back to the stretcher. She had to stop the bleeding before she could move him in the ward properly. Removing her laser scalpel from her pocket she look at Ren earnestly.

"I am going to have to cut you out of your clothing Sir." She said, and was proud at how little her voice shook.

Ren simply nodded. She tried to explain further.

"Your belt is the only thing that is currently stopping serious blood loss Sir. I will have to place a lot of pressure on the wound whilst I remove your uniform to administer the bacta patch to make sure that you do not bleed out."

Ren nodded again.

Aneep sighed inwardly. "That process is going to be extremely painful Sir…"

"Just do it." He replied firmly.

Aneep nodded and did as she was bid. Though he barely cried out at all, his painful rage still shook the whole ward.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a very long time since the medical bay had housed a full emersion bacta tank but now its gentle pulsing hum filled the silence of the room around her. Aneep at her desk now, found herself darting glances up from her paperwork and staring for a fleeting moment at the figure submerged in the glowing tube. She couldn't deny that she found him extremely attractive. Professional guilt gnawed at her from the thought. He'd been brought here to be healed not to be ogled at when he was at his most vulnerable. The treatment, however, made it necessary for him to be completely disrobed except for undergarments to preserve the patient's dignity. Even with that being the case, very little was left to the imagination. Perhaps things had been different if she'd been able to set up the tank in the main body of the medical facility. However, due to the secrecy surrounding this particular patient it had become necessary to erect the treatment tank in her research laboratory away from prying eyes. The only issue now was that the eyes that wanted to pry were her own.

She sighed heavily and threw down her data pad with frustration. She'd never be able to concentrate with him in the room. He was facing away from her but that didn't seemed to matter, her gaze was drawn to his muscular frame wherever he was in the room.

 _Perhaps I should put the equipment into slumber mode. Then at least I won't be able to see him_.

It had been hours since he'd been brought to her but it wasn't quite recreational time yet. But he was in bacta so she supposed it wouldn't matter too much if she gave him an early night- he'd been through quite a bit today after all.

Aneep rose from her desk and walked over to the front of the tank. There he hung, suspended in time like some dark angelic creature. The breathing apparatus concealed half of his face but she'd seen already what lay beneath- youth and beauty. She glanced with a professional eye at the side wound- the bacta emersion would have that healed within a day or so. The facial wounds however, that was a different matter. She'd done her best with what resources she had on hand but the truth was she had no precedent in treating lightsaber wounds and very little research to consult. It would have to be her bedtime reading this evening it would seem if she was going to plan a course of treatments that would work effectively. She knew that they would have to work efficiently too as Hux had stressed the important of timeliness.

Her eyes traced the curves of his chest in a less than professional way. She chastised herself again for her wondering thoughts and addressed him.

"Sir?"

He had his eyes closed but she knew he could hear her- he had refused the sedative before going in to the tank.

"I'm going to power down the lights and put you into slumber mode. I hope that's alright?"

His eyes did not open but his head nodded in acknowledgement. Relieved, Aneep punched in the order and the lights slowly dimmed in the tank to the point that the figure was completely obscured in the inky black liquid.

" _Time to finally get some work done."_ She thought as she returned to her desk and picked up her data pad once again.

One fascinating thing she had learnt about lightsaber wounds was that they continue to burn even after the cut had healed. The energy emitted from the kyber crystal at the heart of each lazer sword is so powerful that it almost permanently effects the nerves of the flesh it comes into contact with. The pain is said to wear away after some years have passed but it never leaves completely. It just becomes more bearable.

It would seem then that Kylo Ren would live with the reminder of these injuries for the rest of his life for Aneep could not find any records of lightsaber wounds that did not leave permanent scarring. Though she may be able to modify the severity of the scar by adapting healing tape to host live bacta. That way the wound may continue healing from the inside out while the patient was free to move around away from the bacta tank. No treatment it seemed would be as effective as full bacta emersion, but Aneep knew that the General would not react well to the news that a whole half cycle might be needed to see Ren fully healed.

She found her eyes drawn again to the darkened cylinder that hummed gently at the end of the room. She could not see him but she felt him there. He was an invisible looming presence in the room. The lights in the office had automatically dimmed some hours before- she had worked through her shift and now it was late. Her eyelids felt heavy but there was still more research to be done if she wanted to develop the healing strips' cultures enough to support bacta cells. Aneep sat back in her chair and rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. Her head ached with a pulsing throb that matched the hum of the bacta tank. The tight regulation bun that her hair was scraped into felt like it was attempting to pull her scalp from her skull. Since she was technically off duty she felt no concern about tugging her hair free of the band that held the bun in place and allowed her white blonde hair to tumble down her shoulders. The pain relief was almost instantaneous and she found herself sighing in contentment at the liberation of her hair. She shook it out with her finger, untangling knots as she went and instantly felt less wound up. Now all she needed was some caf to wake her up. The drink was off the nutritional rations for most personnel but her rank meant that she was privy to luxuries that most First Order officers were denied.

She rose from the desk and walked across the room with her hands still massaging her hair. She stood and made herself a cup of the hot steaming liquid, she stirred in one portion of sweetener and enjoyed the sound of the metal clink of the spoon. She took a small hot sip of the bitter sweet beverage and sighed with contentment at the small luxury. What she hadn't realized was with each step she had been staring distracted at the darkened tank. As she crossed back to her desk with the steaming hot beaker cupped between her palms she found herself pausing by the tank, staring mesmerized into its inky depths. She took another sip of her caf and wondered what possessed someone to choose to wear a mask. The stormtroopers did not have a choice, it was regulation combat gear and designed to prolong their lives. Kylo Ren however did not need to wear a mask, so why had he adopted one?

The First Order flourished on youth and ambition. Exposing his face to show his age would not have meant that others would not respect him, many of the highest ranking officers in the Order were under 40 cycles. The Order appreciated youth and beauty. Beauty in particular was the epitome of order and symmetry, this was something that The Supreme Leader himself was very insistent upon. Why then had Ren chosen to hide his face?

Aneep found no answers as she stared into the darkness of the tank, but she did find its gentle hum very comforting and relaxing. Her hand reached up to her collar and undid the shoulder clasps of her tunic. Freeing her throat from the confines of her uniform felt wonderful and freeing. Her hand went to her throat and collar bone and she gently rubbed the tension away from tired skin. The sensation of it made her sigh with relaxation but the tiredness stuck in her throat and the sound was guttural and raspy. Perhaps she was kidding herself that she could stay up any longer. She needed sleep, the work would have to wait.

Aneep finished her cup in two gulps still staring into the darkened bacta tank. She turned to leave but stopped suddenly. Taken by a strange impulse she turned to look back at the tank. That inky black abyss seemed to be looking back at her, it was as though she had brought a tiny black hole into the heart of her office and it was pulling everything including her into its darkened void. She almost didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay here and keep it safe. She shook the thoughts away.

" _Tired. Damned tired_." She told herself, but she did not turn away from the tank. Instead she stepped closer to its cool curved surface. She kissed her hand and pressed it onto the glass.

" _Cold and distant like the vacuum of space."_

She looked up into the abyss, she looked deep, she tried to see him but could not.

"Good night Kylo Ren." She whispered, and then swept out of the room without a second glance.

From the dark depths Kylo watcher her go bemused.


	4. Chapter 4

On entering her sleeping quarters Aneep felt as immense feeling of relief. It had felt like days since she had last seen her bed. Today had definitely felt like a long one.

The walk from the med-bay to her quarters was short (practicality dictated that she should be housed near the wards at all times) however she felt exhausted as she finally flopped down onto her sheets. She'd discarded her uniform quickly, almost as soon as she had entered the room, in fact she began removing articles before the door had slid back into place to shield her from the rest of the ship. She'd dumped each item of clothing on the floor en route to her pillows and climbed into bed naked as was her custom. Closing her eyes with a sigh she'd expected sleep to come quickly. It didn't. She lay in the comfort of her sanctuary for several minutes but sleep was not forthcoming. She knew the reason why, and it had nothing to do with the cup of caf she'd just drunk. How could sleep possibly come when all she could think about where the dark depths of violent brown eyes and the well-muscled torso of a handsome young man suspended in a black abyss.

" _Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it_." She chided herself, but it did not help. Still he floated in her mind's eye.

It was though his image had been etched onto her retinas and the longer she focused on him the more she felt a deep throb of longing low in her abdomen. All her blood seemed to rush south, the more she lay there and pictured him the more she became aware of it. Soon between her thighs beat a heartbeat of its own, hot and wet and yearning to be touched. She lay there for a couple minutes more before she gave in and let her hand wander down her body… after all, it might help her sleep. Giving in to the sensation of her finger tips as they found their mark she allowed herself to think of him now.

He stood shirtless in her office. He was waiting for her with fire in his eyes. In her fantasy she had healed him completely, his torso and face were without scars. His tousled hair fell around his strikingly youthful face and she admired it openly and allowed him to see the pleasure it brought her to see him like this. He was stood by her desk, the bacta tank was empty and stood redundant in the center of the room. She crossed to him quickly and he took her firmly in those big strong arms as his mouth claimed hers in a forceful and demanding kiss. She answered him gladly and with equal passion, moving one hand to capture the back of his neck and the other buried itself into that beautiful dark hair urging him on with a not so gentle tug. He dragged his mouth away from her lips and growled into her ear,

"Doctor, take off your tunic."

The thought of him giving her such an instruction made Aneep's throat catch as she moaned into her pillow.

Stepping back from the crush of his body she kept her eyes trained on his as she slowly and seductively shook down her hair and unclasped her tunic tantalizingly, one fastening at a time. She doubted in the real world that she would ever be this bold, but in her imagining she could be a master temptress without any sense of awkwardness or embarrassment.

Free of her uniform's bulkiest layer she now stood before him in her breeches, boots and a thin under garment covering her breasts. He looked at her, passion smoldering in his eyes as he crossed to her to once again claim her mouth. His hands slipped under her top and found her breast peaked and aching to be touched. He trailed kisses down her neck as he cupped and stroked and she was drunk with desire and wanting now. Wanting this, this, only this and more of this. Stumbling with the intertwining of their bodies she directed them over to her desk. Turning, Aneep cleared the surface with an aggressive wave of her arm and as he grabbed her and picked her up by the backside to place her on the desk the sound of data pads hitting the floor filled the office. Aneep reveled in this little detail as she'd always wanted to do that in real life. Sat on the desk now with her legs spread either side of him, she feverishly kissed him as her hand found his breeches and she expertly unburdened him of that troublesome item of clothing. He too became busy, quickly pulling her top over her head, pushing her back onto the desk and then seeking her breast with his mouth which sent shivers of desire through her whole body.

She was close now. Very close.

She writhed on the bed restless with desire, hot and wet with it. She skipped the fantasy on a few stages as she didn't want to miss the main event.

Now they were both naked. He on top of her, covering her, kissing her hard into the work surface. Her legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer, pulling him into her. As he entered her they both moaned as their bodies became even more entwined into each other, hands and faces in each other's hair, breathing in sync, pulling each other closer, closer. As he drove into her she cried out in pleasure.

So close. So fucking close.

She groaned into her pillow hips pushing deeper and harder into her hand wanting the release, needing it.

He thrust, she was so ready, wet and hot with wanting. She kissed him and panted her pleasure against his lips and as he built his rhythm he growled his response back and she could feel it vibrate in his throat and on her lips.

Yes. Yes. Nearly there. Almost there.

She imagined his groans, the heat of his skin and her own slick with sweat. She imagined the weight of him on top of her, of the feeling of those powerful thrusts pushing her, pounding her into complete distraction.

Yes. Yes. Oh fuck yes!

She imagined the rise of her own hips to match his rhythm, of pulling him closer into her with her arched back and milking every ounce of pleasure out of his beautiful body. She imagined the quickening of their pace as they both were nearly there, holding onto him tightly as the world around her began to break away, digging her fingers into his back as the feelings overwhelmed her in all their shattering brilliance.

Yes, yes, yes!

Aneep climaxed heavily, her cries muffled only by the pillow that she had driven her face into. The orgasm crashed through her in wonderful relieving waves and she lay for several minutes with her hand still pressed to the hot throbbing core of her desire which was now slick with her own pleasure. After moments had passed and the wave subsided she rolled onto her back and smiled listening to her own pounding heart and shaking breaths.

"Fuck." She said aloud drowsily, and laughed to herself before rolling onto her side with a contented sigh and promptly fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning she awoke with a sort of giddy glee. She dressed promptly with a skip in her step and excited fluttering in her stomach. It was childish and nonsensical, she knew that, but the thought of seeing him again that day made even scraping her hair up into a tight bun worth it. What a night she had had! She felt as though she was meeting a lover again after an amazing first date. It was silly of course because she, out of the two of them, was the only one who had experienced the encounter but it felt fun to have secrets…and hot 'n sweaty secrets at that.

She'd slept like the dead that night and had woken refreshed and rejuvenated in a way that she hadn't expected. Had it really been so long since she'd given herself some personal attention? She hadn't realised she'd even needed to and now preparing for another day at work she felt as though she could happily heal the whole galaxy- something she hadn't felt in a very long time. Her rest had brought her inspiration too as she'd been able to work out the correct way to host live bacta onto healing strips over her morning cup of caf. The solution had just clicked into place in her brain as she'd taken the first sip, further proving the importance of rest and self-gratification to the workings of the mind.

She strolled now through the medical bay watching the lights flicker on as her movement nudged the sensors. This morning her uniform was as crisp as the untouched sheets of each ward bed. Pausing by the door to her office Aneep found herself nervous about going in. She wanted to see him again so badly, it was all she had thought of as she had got ready and now she was moments away from being face to face with him again. She felt nervous and elated at the same time and somehow this worried her. A sudden and unexpected revelation struck her as her hand hovered over the door controls. She was excited to see him because she knew he would be in there. He would be in there, of course he would, where else could he go? She blinked back the realisation. She would walk in there and he would be waiting for her, and this made her excited because…because she was so lonely. In truth, very very lonely and she'd barely noticed it before. The truth clanged loud in her mind like a blaster dropped on a metal corridor. Looking around her she saw her life reflected back by the empty ward in which she stood. She was the only constant in a sea of empty beds. She had no one. Her parents had died 12 years past, her father taken by a hereditary degenerative affliction and her mother 4 years later to respiratory issues. She missed them terribly, but knew how proud they would be to see her in her immaculate First Order uniform however any and all friendships she had forged in her training in the Corps had had to have been severed the moment she'd joined the Order. Her promotion to the Finalizer had also put paid to any connections she had made in her previous postings in the Order itself. Not that there had been many, the nature of the work she undertook was solitary. She'd never felt isolate before though, not like she felt at that moment with her hand still hovering over the door release. She'd not realised her growing need for the warmth of human comfort until she'd thought of him last night and experience the release of two years' worth of pent up frustration.

She shook her head in surprise. Nothing like a sudden self-discovery before your second cup of caf.

 _"Still"_ , she thought, " _if nothing else comes from this experience then at least I have realised that it is time to make some changes in my life_. _After all, how can a doctor heal others if they don't take care of their own health and happiness?_ "

Guilt gnawed now at the back of her mind.

 _"A doctor huh?"_ she thought scathingly.

Yes, she was a doctor, but one who had fantasised about a sexual encounter with a patient. A patient, moreover, who was her superior officer, who did not know her and had never directly interacted with her before. She'd used his image for her own pleasure and then was excited to see him trapped in the medical bay again? She felt so ashamed.

" _A doctor?"_

She hardly deserved the title.

Heart sunk low and thoroughly chastised she let her fingers punch in her personal code and the metal door slid away to reveal the subject of this morning's confused inner turmoil. It took her a little off guard as a sudden brightness ached her eyes as the door slid open. The bacta tank shone like some guiding beacon, it was the only light source in the darkened room. He hung suspended in a shaft of bright light like some angelic herald, his eyes were open and he stared into her. It was like her could look directly into her very being and Aneep felt nervous twinges of fear in the pit of her stomach again.

She knew this was not right, the light of the tank should not be on. The controls were not automatic they were manual so how had they come on? When she walked in here it should have been completely dark so how had this happened? Perhaps more worryingly, when had it happened? Had they been on all night? Had they disturbed him for hours? Was that why he was staring so intensely at her now? If the tank was faulty then that could have some seriously negative consequences for his treatments. She needed to check and make sure that the bacta had not been affected by any faulty equipment. She wanted to walk over to the tank's controls and check the progress of the read-outs but she didn't. She couldn't, she felt pinned to the spot by those dark eyes. Her limbs didn't seem to want to respond to her commands and she was compelled to stand there framed in the doorway with the empty ward behind her staring at him. Staring at all of him. She just couldn't help herself, and though she felt fear she still marvelled at the sight of him. Her imagining last night had not exaggerated the details about his body. He was just as glorious in person, and though her professional guilt attempted to suppress it her body reacted to him in the only way it knew how. She flushed all over in desire as she stared at his magnificent form and felt that deep longing develop between her thighs as it had the night before.

Ren blinked and Aneep felt herself freed from his scrutiny. She bid her feet to move and this time they complied and she rushed into the office proper and made straight for the tank's control panel. The lights in the rest of the room flickered on at her movements. Checking the read-outs quickly it seemed as though the tank was functioning perfectly.

"Sir, I am so sorry about the lights." She garbled out the sentence as she scrambled to look over the programmed settings. "This should not have been an issue. I hope that it has not disturbed you?"

She looked up at Ren who shook his head. Evidently it had not disturbed him at all.

Being so close to him now made her pulse quicken in both desire and nervousness. Looking up at his muscled torso made her body long to touch him and so she tried to distract herself with assessing the severity of his wounds.

The side blaster impact was all but gone but the lightsaber burns still looked open and angry. The single stab on his left shoulder seemed further along than the face and neck injury. Assessing him now she considered that she might have to prescribe delicate reconstructive treatments once the bacta had been allowed to work its magic. Her adept handiwork would minimise the scarring more than any other medical office in the galaxy could- both human and droid included. She took pride in that thought.

 _"There are no safer hands than my own for him."_ She thought. She would see it done to the best of her considerable ability as she would for any patient of course, but it would be especially for him. She'd make certain for him.

Uncertain though at how long she had been stood assessing his almost naked body she felt obliged to explain the healing progress to him so as to not come across as voyeuristic and unprofessional.

She explained to him the progress of his healing and the addition of the healing strips once he was free of the bacta. She explained how it would be necessary to keep him submerged for as long as possible to aid the process and diminish the scarring. She broke the news to him that some of the scars would be permanent even after the strips and reconstructive treatments had been administered. She even explained the nerve damage and the lingering pain that may plague him once the wounds had fully healed. The whole time those dark eyes bore into her own as she spoke.

It truly was as though she had opened a singularity in the heart of her office as she felt as though she was being sucked into his dark depths along with all the air and light in the room. She paused awkwardly not knowing what else to add. There really was no reason for her to stay here stood before him like some worshipper at the altar of Ren. She should go to her desk and update his medical records and then start preparing the bacta cell hosts for the next stage of the treatment. Instead she still stood before him, looking up at him in awe.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable Sir?"

The question seemed to come from nowhere and her voice sounded raspy and dry. Ren's expression changed. Despite the breathing mask Aneep could still see the quirk of his eyes and mouth. She'd amused him.

" _He's laughing at me_." She thought sullenly and bristled at the insult. Her stare grew colder, her blue eyes turning icy at the perceived slight.

Ren's hands curled into fists and he looked at her hard and shook his head. With this acknowledgment Aneep strode to her desk and sat down fuming. She was a fool after all, a silly, stupid weakling who fantasised about her superiors and was now ready to play the fool in front of them.

" _No more_." She cautioned, " _No more."_

His back was to her now, she was free of his mesmeric stare.

" _Now there would only be the work and no more distractions_." Though even as she thought it her eyes crept back to that bacta tank.


	6. Chapter 6

Updating the medical records had not taken very long at all (much to Aneep's frustration) so now she busied herself with the preparation of the healing strips. This also did not take her as long as she'd planned. After her inspiration this morning the problems she'd perceived that would have taken her hours to resolve had been easily overcome. The strips were now ready and would not need to be looked at again until she was able to administer them directly onto the patient. Now she sat at her desk looking at a pile of data pads that held the nutritional portions research and grimaced at the thought. She was desperate for another cup of caf, but that meant walking in the line of sight of those dark mocking eyes and she just wasn't sure if she could take it again. Her own eyes kept betraying her and seeking him out, though it was hard to not be distracted by him when he stood floating in the centre of the room lit up like some not-so-distant star. Sometimes when her head was bent low over her work she would fancy that he had turned his head and was studying her from over his shoulder. But whenever she looked up at him he was always facing away from her towards the door as he should be, so she must have imagined it.

She sighed, thirsty. " _This is ridiculous_." She thought. " _I want a drink. It's foolish to be held prisoner at my own desk_."

The more she thought about it the more ridiculous it seemed. After all he was invading her space, it was her office and she should be able to do whatever she wanted without unease. She knew she was right, but it still took her a couple of minutes before she could psych herself up to the point where she pushed herself free of the desk, strode without so much as glancing up past the tank and over to the caf station. Whilst waiting for the pot to boil she dashed a look at the tank's control panel to check everything was functioning correctly. The read outs were exactly as they should be, but to her horror she saw something on the glass of the tank that certainly should not have been there. It was a handprint…her handprint in fact from when she had placed a kiss on the glass the evening before. The lights from the office's ceiling had made it embarrassingly visible to anyone who might walk in as it stood out particularly starkly as the glass was conspicuously free from any other blemishes. It was also rather embarrassing as due to its delicate size it was quite clearly her hand and no one else's. But the worst part was its placement. The print hung directly over a rather compromising and intimate area of Ren's body. Aneep's stomach dropped at the realisation and her ears prickled with alarm. What the hell could she do about it? She couldn't leave it there of anyone might see it. What if the General saw it? He might have some serious questions for her then. Removing it though meant drawing Ren's attention to it and she wasn't sure if he'd be able to see it from inside the tank… at least she hoped for a fleeting frantic moment that he couldn't. But a foreign certainty crept into her mind and somehow she knew, she just knew that he could. She could feel, without looking at his face, that he was staring directly at her again. It was as though she could feel invisible fingers slide into her mind and beckon. He wanted her to look at him and she, like a good girl did as she was asked. Blue eyes met brown once again.

" _The handprint. What should I do about the handprint?"_

 _"Clean it up,"_ A cool, deep mental voice whispered " _or questions might be asked_."

As alien as the voice seemed to her she did at least agree with its sentiment. She'd worked hard her whole life to be taken seriously and to be respected. She did not want her life's efforts undermined by one poorly placed handprint. What did it matter that Ren's attention would be drawn to it? She knew with unshaking certainty that he already knew it was there, she had no idea how she knew, but she did.

Her hand reached behind her and grabbed the microfibre cloth she kept by the caf station. Ren's eyes still searched her own.

" _He knows but he doesn't mind_." She thought and his eyes quirked with acknowledgement. It was a tiny gesture, just a slight narrowing of his eyes, but she knew exactly what it meant. He wasn't laughing at her, he was trying to help, she knew it assuredly almost as though he had spoken the words aloud.

She stepped closer to the tank her eyes never wavering from his. She felt more confident now, now that she was sure that he wasn't mocking her. She felt the same spark of excitement she had felt waking this morning, now that he'd given her some form of assurance and approval. It wasn't the same as admiration but it was better than the distain and mockery that she has been so afraid he'd given her earlier. Frankly though, she found him so instantly physically attractive that she was glad of any breadcrumb of positive attention from him no matter how small. However, it was rather soul crushingly depressing to linger too long on that particular thought as it made her abject loneliness almost too much to bear. Instead her brain switched to a much more agreeable image, one that had pleased her greatly the night before- that of him shirtless, free of the bacta tank, kissing her passionately with her hand buried in his luscious hair. It was in her mind's eye as she moved closer to the tank's surface, it was burned into her thoughts as she approached him and she knew that those brown eyes could see it as clearly as she could see him. There were depths in those mahogany eyes that she could read as clearly as the control panel of the tank- he could see her thoughts and he was intrigued. He did not mock, he was interested and curious about the things he saw in her head. Those wicked, wicked things. There were few that had ever looked at him the way Aneep did and fewer still who had thought of him as she was. She had developed a deep physical attraction to him so instantaneously it was like a spontaneous wild fire.

She stood before the glass, he was staring down at her and she up at him. A silent communication passed between them. Hunger. Mutual hunger for physical comfort, it surprised them both.

Aneep's face was level with the offending handprint which meant that she was also directly at eye level with his groin. His eyes sparked and she rejoiced at the sight. She knew that look. It was an invitation not a rejection. It was encouraging but she wanted to see desire in those eyes. Desire the same way she felt whenever she had to assess his half naked form. She'd get that from him and then she could be happy. She'd have that small victory and then she'd be able to get on with some work- she just needed the assurance. But somehow she knew that she'd have to provoke it out of him, so she tore her eyes away from his and looked directly at the print and what lay beyond it. She glanced up at him again with mischief in her eyes.

" _Good, yes, he's still looking_."

Leaning closer to the glass with her heart pounding her slowly opened her mouth and licked the glass with an upward motion. She glanced at him again.

" _Ah yes, there it is_." She smiled as his eyes flooded with desire. " _Victory."_

Still half of the print remained. This time she did not look away, she kept her blue eyes fixed on him as she licked the glass clean. Now she saw lust, surprise and amusement and she was happy to give him that.

With a casual flick of her wrist she polished her saliva off the surface of the glass with the cloth in her hand. Once it gleamed unsullied she glanced at him again- he'd not taken his eyes off her. Smiling, she threw the cloth over her shoulder and sauntered back to her desk and the waiting data pads not quite believing what she had just done but glowing with pride at her own daring.


	7. Chapter 7

Nutritional portions research had never felt so exciting. Aneep felt drowsy with joy at her own forwardness and her stomach twisted in both shock and excitement at her actions. She'd never felt so daring in her entire life, and she'd left the medical corps early to join a secret Imperial remnant at the age of 21! This was different though, this wasn't a professional thing but a personal one. It was a personal daring that she'd never experimented with before, a type of sexual power that she's never thought to test. She was no wallflower by any stretch of the imagination, but she had never exuded the kind of sensual authority that she'd felt in that moment before. It was intoxicating and moreish…she needed another taste. It was so maddeningly easy too which made the situation even worse. All she had to do was think of a scenario and she knew that he'd be able to see it in her mind if he wanted to, and she was certain that he did. Though even if for some reason he didn't she knew she could make him want it. She sensed the power she had over him and the thought of that alone was turning her on. She revelled in her sexual power for a triumphant moment longer before returning her attention to her work. Ultimately she was a benevolent God. She would not torment him nor attempt to instigate some form of connection with him without his permission. It would be best to wait until he was free of the treatment tank and then she could appeal to him face to face for some private and confidential appointments at a mutually beneficial time. If he declined then of course she would be disappointment, but at least she'd have applied. She was fairly certain at this point though that he would accept the offer (especially given the look in his eyes earlier) and she could look forward to making some of her night-time imaginings a reality. She should stop thinking about it. The more she thought about the possibility of it happening in the real world the more distracted she became and the harder it was to focus on her research. The two year drought might be over soon though and that thought was very distracting indeed.

She looked up at the glowing tanks and Ren turned his head to look at her over his shoulder. She met his eye and thought,

" _Can you hear me?"_

Ren inclined his head in the affirmative. Aneep covered her face with her hands and dropped her head to the desk dramatically.

" _That's terribly embarrassing_." She thought, hiding her face.

She peeked back up at him through her fingers and saw that he was amused by her display. She smiled up at him feeling like a teenager again in the first flush of attraction. Her cheeks glowed red but she was happy and giddy. It was wonderful for just that second to feel like two young individuals enjoying a secret joke and each other's company, feeling alive, joyous, relaxed and content.

The moment soon passed. Without warning Ren abruptly snapped his face back to face the door clenching both his fists tightly. Aneep sat up, alarmed at his sudden motion and as she did the tank was plunged into darkness just as the door to her office slid open revealing General Hux marching into the room. Aneep immediately stood and crossed the floor to meet him. She did not glance once at the darkened tank (at least now she knew how the light had been switched on this morning, Kylo must have done it himself).

"General, how can I help?" she asked smoothly. He'd obviously come in here with a specific purpose in mind, either that or the man just enjoyed a grand entrance. He stood before the darkened tube looking up into the voided depths. There was a question perched on his lips but before he could ask it she was already answering him. "The Commander is resting after some heat treatments." The lie came easily and sounded plausible. Hux's only reaction was to prickle at the mention of Kylo being a Commander which Aneep enjoyed seeing immensely. Kylo evidently found it amusing too for she could feel his mirth emanating from the tank beside her.

"How long until he can be free of that?" Hux barked in his usual clipped and measured tone.

"I have devised treatments that will allow the Commander to be free of its confines whenever that may be deemed necessary. However, the best course of treatment for his recovery would be to stay in full submersion for as long as possible."

"And how long would that need to be for full recovery." He asked peering into the inky depths of the liquid.

"A full week."

He shot her a look. "Impossible."

She nodded, "Which is why I devised the alternative treatment."

He turned his head and studied her now. What was it that she saw in his eyes, admiration or irritation? She could not tell.

"He's to be made ready in four hours."

A spike of disappointment hit her gut hard but she tried not to show it. "So soon?" she enquired.

"We are to rendezvous at the Resistance base where we will destroy both it and their entire remaining fleet. Once that is achieved we will then convene with the Supremacy where Ren is to be transferred."

There was an end to that sentence that Hux did not say but Aneep knew exactly what he was thinking…" _where Ren is to be transferred permanently with any hope_."

The General turned and visibly puffed out his chest as he spoke, "I do not anticipate that the destruction of the Resistance will take long." A small thin smile played about his lips.

" _His final victory is at hand, no wonder he preens so."_ She thought to herself.

Aneep shot him a wary smile in return. She hoped for his sake that everything went as he had planned for the Supreme Leader did not take kindly to failure.

"I will be sure to move the Commander in around two hours time then General."

"We should have dropped out of hyperspace by then and be right at the Resistances' door step." He looked like he relished the thought of seeing those ships destroyed. He had probably worked his whole career with that one aim in mind and she hoped he'd find the moment satisfying after all those years of hard work. A question nagged in her own mind now and she found herself asking it without thinking.

"Sir, might I ask why we cannot use Starkiller Base to destroy the Resistance's planet?"

Hux prickled at the question. "I am surprised you have not heard."

"I have been busy." She waved her hand in the direction of the tank. She was intrigued now and moved a little closer to him waiting for his response. He gave it reluctantly.

"The Resistance scum somehow destroyed the base." He did not look at her as he said it, he just continued to peer blindly into the blacked-out tank.

Flabbergasted, Aneep blinked at the shock of the news and exhaled deeply. "That is a blow" was all she could muster to say after a pronounced pause.

Hux's cheeks flushed in frustration, "It will be rectified soon enough. We now know the location of their base and what remains of their pitiful fleet. Soon enough there will be no Resistance left in the Galaxy and the First Order will reign supreme at last." He spoke it as though it had been learnt by rote. Like he'd had to repeat it to himself everyday until it was burned into his brain.

" _He's trying to convince himself_ ," She thought, " _and he'll need that confidence. If he fails again then I imagine that it will be his head on the block_."

Another thought occurred that worried her suddenly. " _Perhaps Kylo was also implicated in this disaster_." She hoped that was not the case for she'd hate to think of him being in any danger.

" _Is it true_?" she thought to him. There was no reply and her heart fell- his silence was all the answer she needed.

Completely crest fallen now she almost didn't hear Hux's affirmation that he would check in on Ren's status in two hours' time, but part of her brain clocked the implied slight against her work ethic and her tongue lashed out without thinking.

"Do you not trust that I will see it done?" There was no disguising the anger in her voice this time. Hux looked perplexed and then annoyed at her insubordinate outburst.

"Our Supreme Leader was very specific in his instruction." He replied curly.

 _"They cannot fail him again."_ Aneep thought sadly, and for the first time ever felt sympathy for both Hux and Kylo for their close relationships with Leader Snoke.

"Yes Sir. Of course. I apologise." She stood to attention and bowed her head slightly in a somewhat elaborate show of respect. It worked. Hux nodded, the rustle of his overcoat signalling his retreat as he swept out of the room.

Aneep was left alone once again in a silent room with a darkened bacta tank and her own bitter disappointment.

Now she was afraid for the man in the tank. She'd patched him up only to turn him out into worse dangers. She might never see him again after today, and this is where her own more selfish feelings began to take over. She'd never have the chance to be with him in the way she wanted to, the way she'd hoped to.

She'd ended up falling for a mirage. The drought was far from over.


	8. Chapter 8

Having sought the solace of a cup of caf Aneep returned to her desk and sat down sullenly. The tank still stood dark and ominous but she knew that there was no point in trying to turn the lights back on. Not that she wanted to, if he needed time to dwell on his feelings then she would of course give it to him. Clearly he had some things to consider given his destination in a few hours' time. She did not envy him. If anything she feared for him and for General Hux. They were all three of them of a similar age she estimated. They had all achieved a lot in that relatively short amount of time, but the limits of their potential were still unknown. The idea of that potential being suddenly and cruelly cut short at so early a stage in their lives made her hate Leader Snoke for the first time. Who was he to judge others potential and dole out such extreme punishments for simple errors of judgement? Was this what the First Order meant- ruthless aggression and no tolerance of oversight? Was this really what she had signed up for those eleven years ago? Then she had been idealistic and young, full of boundless energy and frustrated with the system seemingly limiting her progression. But how far had she truly been able to progress since that point? Had she stayed in the Corps would she be running her own hospital now? Would she be surrounded by wards of patients, her time demanded by colleagues, friends or family perhaps?

" _What might the present have looked like down that other path?"_ she thought.

" _Be careful_." His voice reasoned in her mind. She immediately looked up to see the tank illuminated yet again. Now though he had turned completely around and was fully facing her with his back to the door. She looked at him… at all of him longingly. What might have been gnawed again at the back of her mind.

" _Don't lament the past_." He advised. " _You can only control the present_."

" _What should I think of then?_ " she asked in return.

" _What about this?"_ he mused and in her head she saw her dream replayed. He, shirtless, free of the tank, holding and kissing her as she had imagined the night before.

She flushed embarrassed but smiled at him coyly. It was possible for them to still enjoy the present after all, just not in the way she had originally hoped. She felt a chilling thrill of excitement race up her body at the thought of what they might be about to do. It wasn't real but it might as well be. It was as real as it was ever going to be between them. She knew as certainly as he that there would be no other times, it would be now or it would be never and she did not want to live holding onto that regret. It was time to be brave.

Aneep sat back in her chair and closed her eyes.

She imagined them stood together in front of her desk, she was nearest the work surface in her full crisp uniform and he stood close to her wearing nothing but the high waisted black trousers he had been wearing when he had been stretchered in. Becoming aware of his surroundings Kylo closed the gap between their bodies quickly and he held her against him possessively. She marvelled at the strength of him and the warmness of his flesh. He took her face in his hands and made her look at him.

"Well this hardly seems fair." He smirked and with a blink of his eye suddenly Aneep stood naked in his arms. She felt a rush of awkwardness at her sudden exposure, but that soon melted into heat between her thighs as his hands began to explore her body. Instinctively she leaned her hips closer into him wanting to feel the pressure against her crotch as well as his straining arousal thick and hard against her hip. She blinked her own eyes and was dressed once again. Kylo let out a growl of frustration and looked at her questioningly.

"I want you to undress me." She whispered into his ear and then playfully bit his earlobe. "And don't feel as though you have to be too gentle about it."

She looked into his eyes and there was fire, she kissed him then. Hard. Her hands were in his hair and she filled both her fists with his luscious locks. His hands grabbed her backside and drove her back to the desk, roughly shoving her onto its surface. She was burning for him now, drunk on desire her head was spinning as he took both his hands to the front of her tunic and tore it open with one powerful movement. Aneep could hear the faint metallic clinking as the fastening ripped from the tunic sprinkled to the metal floor. She smiled as she wrapped her legs around him, inviting him closer.

"I have always wanted someone to do that." She said with laughter in her voice.

He kissed her neck and chin and rumbled, "Whatever the Doctor orders," into her skin. She trembled with desire.

"Is there anything you want?" she asked.

Kylo blinked and she was naked again.

"Only this." He murmured.

" _Easy to please_." She thought wryly.

He kissed her again, his naked chest touched hers and she revelled in the feeling of his weight over her. His hands trailed circles down her naked body causing her to gasp and moan, her skin turned to goosepimples and her nipples hardened. Between her thighs pulsed a hot wet heartbeat, throbbing and burning with desire. When his playful fingers reached that tender spot and touched her finally in that most intimate area he found her slick with desire. He privately marvelled at the level of desire she had for him. He'd never felt so wanted before. He hoped that the memory of this would keep him going through the darker days to come.

His fingers worked skilfully and she moaned her pleasure into his lips as she kissed him. Her breath caught in her throat and made most distracting noises that pleased him immensely. Drunk on his new found power he increased the pressure and speed of his fingers and she groaned in a primal and utterly charming way. He had never brought a women to climax before and he wondered for a moment whether she was driving this part of the fantasy given that he seemed to know exactly what to do. It mattered little at this point as they were both so engaged in the shared delusion that it might as well have been real. It certainly felt real. The only difference being that had this been real life then he doubted that he would be this forward nor this confident. He fed off her sexual assurance life a leaf to the sun and subsequently felt more powerful and sure of himself than he had in years. She would show him the way and he would follow without any of the awkwardness that would have been prevalent in the real world. He'd still liked to have had these experiences in the real world though, had destiny allowed it.

His fingers strummed her like some beautiful musical instrument and she sang for him in deep sensual breaths. He kissed her again and she gasped his name. He looked at her, looked deep into those icy blue eyes and saw his own face reflected, flushed, breathless and alive. Her mouth curved into a wicked smile that elicited a shiver from him that ran from head to toe.

"Use your damned mouth." She ordered huskily.

His eyes flashed with desire and surprise. What a little temptress she was! Though remembering her little cleaning display earlier that should not have surprised him as much as it did. He moved quickly on his Doctor's orders and knelt by the desk replacing his hand with his mouth and tongue. The gasp she made was worth it alone. It ran through his body and all the way down the shaft of his erection which begged to be touched almost as noisily as the Doctor's ecstatic moans.

She was so close now, so close. Close in the real world and close in the fantasy. Somehow the sensation manifested itself to her real body sat at the desk like some wonderful wet dream and she was so close to climax she could feel the heat of her cheeks and the sweat on her brow. She was high on the sensation and her own power. She could order him to do whatever she liked and he would obey. She'd never found herself in that position before and she intended to make the most of it.

"Faster." She gasped and he did as he was instructed.

Oh it felt good, so fucking good! She felt the climax building closer and closer with every movement of that beautiful mouth. Her hands disparately clung to the desk (and to the seat of the chair in the real world) as her legs began to shake as the pinnacle of the wave hit and she felt the world crash around her in a spike of sensation that had her screaming his name in jagged breaths.

Her heart was beating fast in her chest as she slowly floated back into her body. This climax had been even better than the night before and she needed a second to get her head back in order. For a moment she was sat back at her desk, fully clothed with sweat trickling down the back of her collar feeling the last pulsing throbs of her orgasm between her thighs. She'd left him in the fantasy for a moment but she looked up to find him floating in the tank. His brown eyes were still staring but he now had a smug look on his face.

" _I suppose he should feel proud_ ," she reasoned to herself, " _he just made me orgasm without even touching me._ "

Staring up at him she bit her bottom lip playfully and closed her eyes again. This time they were both naked and stood by her chair. As they moved to kiss one another again Aneep's hand sought his erection and she teased him with her fingers just as he had done to her.

He growled his response into her ear.

"I want you now."

"Tell me where and how." She purred, squeezing him tighter.

He considered his options carefully- or as carefully as he could manage given what her hands were doing to him at that moment. There was really only one way that he'd pictured an encounter like this going in his head. Given his lack of experience and also given the fact that an opportunity like this would may never present itself to him again he decided to take opt for his imaginings.

"In that chair with you on top."

Her eyes sparkled with surprise and delight.

"As you wish commander."

She pushed him backwards and he crashed into her office chair with some force. The little minx just smiled down at him as he gazed up at her. His erection throbbed angrily at being released from her tender touch. It didn't stay angry for long. She knelt at his feet and taking him in her hand she licked the full length of him in one long and slow movement just as she had done to the tank. She looked at him with that wicked smile on her face again and this time it was he who found his breath caught in his throat. It was the most erotically charged moment of his life and she knew it…of course she knew it, she was in his head just as much as he was in hers. She leant down for a second prolonged stroke of her tongue and he felt as though he would go mad. Her took her hand and noticed that his own was shaking.

"Get up here now." He ordered, and Aneep gleefully obeyed.

" _Not so smug now_." She thought to herself triumphantly.

Straddling him with her legs either side of the chair she positioned herself over him so she could slowly ease herself onto him. She wanted to control it, make him wait and watch his face as they joined together as one.

Kylo reached up and released her hair from the bun and allowed her white blonde locks to tumble freely across her shoulders and down her back. He looked at her, really looked at her and said,

"Thank you."

She smiled and kissed him tenderly as she slid onto him slowly.

The warm wet welcome of her arousal closed around him in a wonderful and pleasing way. They fit together so perfectly he wondered why they hadn't always been doing this. He then had to remind himself that they weren't really doing anything, they were just dreaming about it together. But it felt so damned real and so, so good as she began to move her hips in a steady slow rhythm. If felt real, it was real to him. As she moved on top of him he looked up at her and worshipped. She had her hand at the back of his neck and pulled him closer for a kiss as her hips slowly built up a rhythm that brought him closer and closer to… his hands feverishly grabbed her hips and hers fingers dug into his shoulders.

"Faster." He croaked and her body complied.

The downward thrusts came hard and fast now. He found that he liked to watch her as each shuddering thrust found its mark. He liked to see the reverberations of it crash through her whole body, it made him feel incredibly powerful in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with bloodline and latent force abilities. It was a raw, dominant, masculine power and one that he wondered why he had denied himself of it all these years. Soon though it became hard to concentrate on anything but the sensation of her flesh and his. It even became difficult to keep his eyes open as her hips took him to a new plane of existence as he edged closer and closer to climax. It was as though the whole galaxy peeled away and left only the two of them, joined and happy at the warmth of each other's skin. He found himself clinging to her, his face buried in her neck, tasting her sweat on his tongue as their rhythm built to a crescendo. His hands filled with the soft flesh of her hips as he held her roughly trying to keep a balance on reality and fiction (it did not work). His final thrusts lifted them both from the chair as his body parted in an explosion of ecstasy. Falling back into the chair his head lolled back onto the head rest as she leant panting on his broad chest listening to the rapid beating of his heart. The climax had been wonderful and real, enjoyed in both the fantasy and in the real world. He opened his eyes groggily and found the world was blurry and close. Of course it was, he was still enclosed in that blasted bacta tank. His Doctor sat two meters away from him, she wasn't on his lap, she was sat in the chair that in their shared dream they had so explosively christened. He missed the dream already. For the first time he truly lamented the fact that he would never be able to hold her or anyone like this in the real world. The Supreme Leader would never allow him to get so close to someone. He knew it as assuredly as he knew that he would not see Aneep again after today. This thought saddened him to the point of anger. No, not just anger but rage, pure rage.

But, he would always have the memories. No one could take those away from him now.


	9. Chapter 9

The General would be descending on the medical bay in an hour's time and Aneep intended to have Kylo patched up and ready to leave as soon as Hux graced them with his presence. It was a bitter sweet sensation as she relished the idea of seeing him free of the tank but she did not want him gone. Quite the opposite in fact. She wanted though to avoid the General seeing Kylo in a weakened and exposed state. She had guessed correctly that this was also something that Kylo had wanted to avoid, which was why he had purposefully killed the light in the tank when the General had entered the office earlier.

The tank was dark now too and had been since their intimate encounter almost an hour ago. He was meditating, drawing strength for what was to come she supposed. Either that or he was embarrassed about what had happened between them and did not want to look at her again. She hoped it was the former rather than the latter, though he gave her no kind of reassurances in her mind. She now missed his encouraging voice in her head, all she was left with was her own self-doubt at what he might be thinking. She could not regret it though. She would not regret her actions or thoughts. A less scrupulous woman might have removed him from the tank earlier in the hope of real physical contact but she had not. She had considered her patient's wellbeing above her own happiness and desire and had concluded that his best chance for recovery was to continue with the treatment. She was still a doctor first above all other things and that made her feel proud despite the heavy weight of the biting disappointment she felt in her stomach. No matter what happened she would always know that she had stayed true to herself. She could not feel shame even if others might question the ethics of fantasising about a patient. She would not feel embarrassed about her actions towards him either. They had been honest and instinctual and she refused to be sorry about them even if he seemed to now regret it. She would not regret it. Not now, not ever.

She finished typing the medical instructions for his facial surgeries and transferred the data over to The Supremacy's medical computer. It would be droids fixing him up after he had left her she supposed, but she had left meticulous instructions and programming to be sure that he would still receive the best possible treatments without her.

…without her.

She sighed and stood. Soon he would be gone forever but for now he was still hers for a little while longer.

She crossed to stand by the tank. As she was unsure which way he was facing she hovered by the side of the equipment and thought to address him. The words stilled in her throat though as she thought about how to begin. Considered what had happened between them 'Sir' seemed a little too formal. She dared not use 'Commander' given the context in which she had last said it, especially if he had begun to regret their commune together. Both 'Kylo' or even 'Ren' seemed a little too friendly under the circumstances. Their informalities were over now, perhaps for good and so she reverted back to her training and the address became business as usual.

"Sir?"

The light flickered back on almost immediately and he had turned to face her once again.

" _Perhaps he had been meditating after all_." That was a comfort.

"I am going to begin the draining sequence."

He nodded in acknowledgement.

"As the tank empties from the bottom you will find the glass lowering in slow increments. Please do not attempt to exit the tank until it is fully drained. You have been suspended weightless for almost a day and a half, you will probably find that your legs will feel weak and may not support your weight right away. This sensation is perfectly normal and will quickly pass. Feel free to sit as the glass descends if you wish to allow yourself time to adjust to gravity again."

He smiled beneath the breathing mask at her business-like tone. She recited the instructions as though she were reading them directly from the manual. It seemed so strange to hear her like that given how he had heard her only hours before. Then the noises she had made had not been rehearsed, they had been instinctive and primal with no hint of formality whatsoever.

Aneep walked over to the control panel and entered the necessary instructions. The machine began to whine as it's end cycle began and the bacta cells slowly began to drain away.

Rather than stand and watch him being revealed to her she busied herself with preparing a station for him once he was free of the tank. She brought across a stretcher as well as the healing strips in their protective casings and cleaning solution to prepare his facial wounds for the next round of treatments. She fetched towels for him and a medical robe too setting them carefully on the bed. He would need a new uniform to wear, she realised, as the old one had been cut off him when he was first admitted. But she could perhaps instruct a trooper to bring him one when he was in the decontamination shower.

The bacta was by his ankles now and the tank had lowered to around his midriff. He'd tried to stay stood but looked unsteady on his feet as his legs acclimatised to supporting his weight once again. She crossed to the platform and stepped up onto the small raised lip that surrounded the tank. He was extremely tall and her eyes only came up to around his mouth when he was stood upright, but he was hunched as the artificial gravity worked its magic and she found that she could reach up and remove the breathing apparatus quite easily. She handed him a towel and he rubbed his face as the last of the strange liquid drained away.

Bacta did not leave behind a residue and it evaporated almost instantly without the correct cultured environment around it. It did not leave the patient wet or sticky but it did leave them cold. The towel had been for his warmth and modesty more than anything else. Inside the tank a patient had to be kept at a constant warm temperature in order for the cells to work effectively. The temperature of the office was probably a good fifteen degrees lower than that of the tank and the sudden shift could sometimes effect patients unexpectedly.

Kylo turned to Aneep to thank her but found that his vocal chords stuck together in his throat and his eyes refused to look into hers. Now exposed to the real world again he found his confidence was lost, it was as though it had evaporated away along with the bacta. All he had left was his weakened body and conflicted soul left shaking, raw and exposed to her utterly. He did not care for it. He wanted to say something, anything but he could not and so he stayed silent and cold.

The door rushed open and, much to both Aneep and Kylo's surprise and chagrin, in marched Hux with his usual sense of urgency.

The doctor immediately stood in front of her patient and obscured as much of his exposed body from Hux's prying eyes as she could with her own. Aneep could see that the General was lapping up seeing his loathed rival in such a weakened state that he almost smiled.

"Ah, I see you've already started." He smirked.

Kylo made to move towards him. He wanted to hurt him, to feel his hands wrap around the little twerps pale neck and squeeze. His anger raged and demanded the bastard's head but his body was weak and his control of the Force eluded him. His one shaky step buckled underneath him as the strength in his legs collapsed and he felt himself falling further adding to his total humiliation. It was only the doctor's quiet strength that stopped him crashing to the ground. She'd turned to face him as soon as she'd felt his attempt to move and propped him up before his legs failed him. Her hands were pressed into his rib cage just below his chest and she had moved her body close to his so that her weight pressed upwards acted as a crutch. He did not fall in front of Hux, she had saved him from that last humiliation and he looked down at her and met her cool blue gaze for the first time since the tank had lowered.

 _"I've got you."_ She thought. He heard it but did not respond as he did not know the words of gratitude that would properly convey his thanks.

She moved to his side and put her arm around his middle and braced herself under his arm still acting as his crutch. He was heavy, very heavy but she would not let him fall. Slowly and with some effort she eased him down the two steps to the office floor and planted him on the waiting stretcher.

Hux just stood there and watched.

 _"That smug bastard."_ She thought bitterly and Kylo caught her eye. " _So he can hear me?_ " She puzzled as her hands busied themselves reaching for the cleaning solution and healing strips. Turning his face with her hands she swept his hair away from the wounds and cleaned each thoroughly. Once the strips were out of their container she knew that she had to work quickly before the batca became too exposed to the air and became useless.

She'd not realised the effort it had taken to help carry him to the stretcher until she felt the reverberations of her heart beat against her chest and saw how her hands trembled as she touched his face with the medical wipe. Clearing away the cleansing solution and cloth she paused for a moment and flexed her hands stretching out the tension in her fingers and tendons. She let her heart slow down and relax as she sucked in deep breaths and steadied herself. Administering the delicate strips quickly into a quarter of an inch wound before they began to decay was fiddly enough without the pressure of an audience added into the bargain.

"Please remain completely still." She instructed to the patient and then glanced up at Hux, "You too please General."

His eyes squinted with irritation but he planted his feet never the less.

She exhaled deeply and with a flick of her fingers the two strips were out of the container and in her hand. Two more seconds passed and she had attached them directly into the gaping wounds that cut Ren from eyebrow to collar bone. She'd managed it in one fluid motion, expertly done as though she handled treatments like this every single day. Pride filled her eyes as she looked down at her handiwork and she tipped his face backwards and forced him to look at her.

"There. Almost as good as new, Commander Ren." She almost purred his name.

His eyes darkened with desire as a small smile played around her lips and General Hux practically shuddered with annoyance.


	10. Chapter 10

After completing the preliminary checks of the patient and monitoring his acclimatisation back into the natural environment Aneep felt confident that he would be able to support his own weight without any issue. She advised him to take his decontamination shower pointing at the door at the far end of the office. It would be strange to think of him using her own private wash station and she suddenly worried that she wouldn't have left it tidy enough for him.

" _What difference would it make if you haven't_?" she thought to herself glumly, " _It's unlikely that you're going to see him again_. _Just take me as I am baby_."

She immediately regretting thinking that as there was a good chance that Kylo could hear her thoughts. She coloured and busied herself with packing her scanner away to avoid looking at him. If he had heard it then he made no indication of it. He rose from the stretcher and wrapped the towel around his waist. He still seemed a little hesitant on his feet, something that he was bound to be self-conscious of given Hux's continued presence in the room. Aneep cursed the General's name, if he hadn't marched in an hour early then the two of them might have had some alone time together. They could have talked about what had transgressed between them, hell, who knows what might have happened in that shower if Hux hadn't been present. She knew though that there was no point in thinking about the what-might-have-beens. Kylo himself had told her that the only thing you can control is the present and there were things she could do to make the present more palatable for him at least.

"General, we should provide some privacy for the Commander." She swept her hand towards the doorway to the main ward. It was a gesture that brooked no refusals. It said very clearly 'you and I are going to leave this room now' and Hux had no option but to comply. The General was forced to walk in front of her given that he was much closer to the door than she was. Once his back was turned Kylo turned to look at her with that dark gaze. Their eyes met for only a couple of seconds as she walked past him towards the door. He did not say anything, he did not smile nor gesture, instead he nodded his head curtly in a tiny almost imperceptible movement and then he was gone from her eyeline. She had not broken her stride and followed the General swiftly out of the room.

" _I suppose that was thank you_." She surmised as the door to her office slid closed behind her with a sad sounding sigh.

She was back in her empty ward surrounded by empty beds and the clipped footsteps of a man she now despised. Why was he still here? Didn't he have a fleet to command and a Resistance base to destroy? But then glancing out of the window of the medical bay she could see the whirl of white lights that surrounded them and realised that they were still travelling through hyperspace. The battle was yet to come. Aneep strolled over to the doctor's station in the middle of the ward and sat down in her chair. A battle meant the possibility of casualties and although unlikely it was always better to be prepared. Besides prepping the medial computer seemed far less odious than attempting to make small talk with General Hux. Not that he seemed particularly bothered about that either. He seemed happy enough stalking the length of the ward with his hands held tightly behind his back. Aneep wandered what he was feeling in that moment. His face was very difficult to read because he displayed the same uptight expression most of the time. Was this anger she wondered or worry? Perhaps he just needed something to do. She called to him.

"General. The Commander will need a new uniform to be brought here and I was unsure who to ask..."

His icy stare stopped her sentence. She could feel the contempt roll off him like waves at the suggestion that he should do so menial a task. If she'd hoped that he would leave her to do the job himself then she was badly mistaken. With irritation he strode over to the communication console next to her station and typed in his personal code. Whoever was contacted was surely used to the General's bad moods as they answered straight away.

"Bring a uniform from Ren's quarter to the medical bay immediately." He barked into the intercom and hung up before the recipient could even finish their acknowledgements.

"Thank you, sir." Aneep murmured as Hux resumed his furious pacing of the med bay.

No more than ten minutes passed before a shiny booted Lieutenant came marching through the med bay door holding a stack of neatly folded black clothes and a familiar looking helmet. She looked unsure who to hand the pile of clothing to and the General had not even looked up once she'd entered the room. Aneep crossed over to her and took the pile and the helmet from her.

"Thank you Lieutenant, that was very efficient."

Aneep saw pride flash in the woman's eyes at the compliment at her work ethic.

"Thank you sir." She replied, she then turned to the General, "Captain Peavy told me to inform you that we are about to drop out of hyperspace Sir."

"Dismissed." Barked Hux from across the bay, not bothering to look up.

The Lieutenant snapped to attention and without another word marched directly out of the room.

"I will inform the Commander that his clothes have arrived." Aneep moved towards the office door carrying the stack carefully, her eyes were drawn to the hollow sockets of the dark metal mask on top of the pile.

"Tell Ren that I expect him in the shuttle bay in twenty minutes time." He was fuming now, Aneep could tell by his voice. Clearly he'd been hoping to speak to Kylo before they had arrived at the Resistance base but things were moving more quickly than he had anticipated. Aneep got the feeling that Hux didn't like anything to move in any way that he had not anticipated and she sympathised with him on that score.

She was almost at the door but stopped to turn and face him as the chain of command dictated. "I will relay the message." She began to turn back to the door when his voice stopped her.

"Doctor."

Turning towards him again she bit down on her irritation at the stupid formalities of military life.

"Yes Sir?"

He had his back to her as he spoke. It was a little show of power on his behalf. He was the General and therefore did not need to even look at you when he spoke, whereas she on the other hand had to face him whenever she addressed him. It was a subtle way that he showed her his superiority over her.

"I understand you have already transferred the necessary medical data over to the Supremacy."

"Yes Sir, I have." She puzzled over where this was going.

"That was very forward thinking of you."

There was a pause, Hux was clearly looking for a reply. Was this a compliment, a challenge or an invitation for discussion? She doubted very much that he wanted to stay and talk even if it was to challenge her decisions so she supposed it must have been some kind of complement or thanks or something similar. After a moment she responded with what she hoped was the correct reply.

"Thank you Sir."

He looked over his shoulder caught her gaze with the corner of his eye and then nodded. Aneep, surprised and unsure at how to respond found herself returning his curt nod with one of her own. On seeing her acknowledgement of his gesture he then immediately marched quickly out of the room, his clipped footsteps filled the silence of the empty ward for a moment.

Turning back to the door to her office she found herself baffled at their little exchange. She supposed she should feel blessed since the General very rarely bestowed complements onto any of his subordinates. But then it had been such an oddly repressed thanks that she could barely register it as such.

The door hissed open and she stepped into the office. It looked different without the tank in it, back to normal again and this made her feel sad. Normal meant isolation and boredom, she'd like the change of pace that the last two days had offered. A change of pace was exactly what she needed in her life, but barely two days was not enough. Not nearly enough.

Walking to the empty stretcher she placed his uniform and mask onto the blanketed surface. He must still be in the wash room and while she waited she moved a screen around the bed to give him some privacy when changing. She found her fingers exploring the surface of the helmet, it was as cold and hard as the bacta glass had been and she found herself wondering if this was always to be her destiny- to be separated from the things she desired by coldness and distance. That was no life at all. The sound of the washroom door opening made her step back and guiltily snap her hand away. She shouldn't be touching his things, it felt like an invasion of his privacy, but then given that he could see and hear her thoughts as easily as she then perhaps this wasn't too bad of a crime. He stood framed in the doorway with the towel wrapped around his waist. Aneep felt her throat catch at the sight. It wasn't as though she hadn't seen him like that over the past two days but now he was stood there, right there, and if she wanted to she could cross over to him and touch him for real. She wanted to, she really really wanted to, but something told her that their moment had passed and so instead she tore her eyes away from him and stepped aside as he crossed over to the stretcher.

"You've been brought a fresh uniform," she indicated the pile and the mask with her hand and wished her voice didn't shake so much. It was a nervous shake, the sort that someone might have if they were speaking to someone they deeply admired for the first time. "Also the General wanted me to convey the message that he would like you in the shuttle bay in twenty minutes."

He wasn't looking at her, instead he just stared at the mask on the bed with an indecipherable expression. Disappointed but not surprised Aneep turned to sit at her desk.

"Doctor." His voice floated so gently to her that for a moment she wondered if he had whispered it in her mind rather than speaking it aloud. She did not turn because she was afraid of what he might say. But no matter what he said she knew that should could not feel regret and she would not feel ashamed.

"Yes sir." She replied evenly.

"Thank you." Was his simple response.

She wanted to look at him now, she wanted to see the expression in those dark penetrating eyes, but now she found that as she wanted to turn her body would not allow it. It was as though her limbs were frozen and they would not obey her commands. For a second she wondered if he was responsible for it and became angry at this possibility, but then she reasoned that it was perhaps because he found it difficult to say the words aloud to her face. Somehow him vocalising it in the real world felt so much more significant than if he'd have spoken to her in her mind and if this was the only way he'd found the confidence to do it then she'd take that over nothing. Still, she had no idea of what he was thanking her for, perhaps he was simply complimenting her medical skills. She tried to keep her response to that business-as-usual tone she had used earlier.

"I was only doing my duty sir." She replied evenly.

"No," he replied, "thank you for the memories."

Her heart skipped with joy, it had been the only time since the tank came down that he had acknowledged that anything had happened between them at all.

She smiled and replied, "Anytime."

Her limbs could work again and she went over to her desk and sat in her chair. From behind the screen she could hear him getting dressed but she tried not to dwell too much on it. Soon he would be gone and she would have to decide what she would do to make her life more invigorating again.

A few moments passed and Aneep heard the hiss and click of the mask locking into place. Soon after the screen was pushed aside and there stood Kylo Ren. The man she had desired over the past 48 hours was gone completely. The pale and bloodied fallen angel had been replaced by a demon in black. Every inch of his creamy flesh was now covered in black fabric and Aneep could not see a single inch of the man she had become so instantly attracted to only days before. He was completely dehumanised, which she supposed was the point, but she already missed the hidden figure beneath the façade. His hands were clenched into tight fists and he stood tall and menacing with his featureless face like some terrible shadow in the room. She felt afraid, even though she knew those dark eyes and full lips lay beyond the metal horror she still felt as though that figure of masculine beauty was already beginning to slip away from her like some distant dream never to be seen again. He began to move for the door and she stood to attention at her desk. Her movement caught his eye and he paused for a moment.

"Goodbye Doctor." Spoke the metal voice. It sounded harsh and inhuman to Aneep's ears. She wanted desperately to rush over there and rip that thing off his head and plunge her hands into his still damp hair. To kiss those soft lips and feel the warmth of his skin against the palm of her hand, but of course she did not. Instead she simply nodded and he strode towards the door. There was still a rebellious spark left in her though as it seemed as though he would leave there and then and all her hopes of passion would be truly over before they ever began.

"Kylo Ren." She called, and that stopped him in his tracks. "Think of me, sometime." There was more, so much more that she wanted to say but she couldn't and so she didn't.

He turned that featureless face to look at her and she felt that cold pit of dread again in her stomach.

" _I will_." His gentle voice whispered in her mind. Then with a sigh the door was opened and closed and he was gone.

Aneep sat at her desk in silent contemplation for the next hour. From her view port she witnessed the destruction of the Resistance base followed by the destruction of the Siege Dreadnought Fulminatrix.

Her parents had always counselled her about her wellbeing by using an ancient medical proverb- a stitch in time saves nine. It meant to heal an ailment early would mean saving the patient from worse discomfort and pain in the future. Aneep hadn't realised that she even had an ailment until she'd stood by her office door that morning excited about going in. Her wound was loneliness and stagnation and it was deep and raw and painful now she could recognise it. How long had it festered inside her? How much longer would it have gone unnoticed had she not seen the young man with the scarred face? Nothing had happened between them and yet everything had changed for her. She knew now that she could not stay in this same place with this same existence. She could not stay isolated and unstimulated in an environment that she felt no strong connection to. She'd joined the Order out of duty to her parents, but she knew now that she took no joy in their victories nor felt any loss in their defeats. In truth she felt nothing for the cause and that was not a good reason to stay and fight. She didn't want to fight, she had never wanted to fight all she had wanted to do was heal to the best of her ability and there were thousands of planets that she could do that on. She could heal different people in different places and not have to be so cloistered and segregated like some nun in a secret forbidden order. She wanted to live a life, meet people, have sex, laugh, fall in love and work. She wanted to go somewhere and be excited about who she would be meeting there. To feel excited about the conversations she might have and the stories she might hear. She knew now that that was what she wanted. She wanted company, comradery, companionship and career and she knew this was not possible in the First Order.

 _"The real journey starts here"_. She reasoned, because she knew that no one left the Order alive easily. Soon they would have more important things to worry about than chasing after one rogue medical officer. With the Resistance all but gone who would be there to stop the Order now from taking over as many systems as they wished? There would be need for medical expertise across the galaxy if any system wanted to put up a fight against them.

" _And they should fight_ ," she thought to herself, " _because I've seen the regime and it is petty and cruel._ "

She was beginning to sound like a rebel, she could almost hear her parents turning in their graves.

Everything in the Order was too clean and measured for her, she liked things to be messier and more chaotic like the scarred-up face of a handsome dark-haired beauty. It was a mess that she'd love to try and fix given the opportunity.

There was no mess in the Order because any imperfection was always destroyed. All they had were formalities and discipline. She couldn't live that way anymore, she needed more than that. It was clear now what she had to do.

" _Thank you Kylo for my awakening_." She thought into the ether. He was far away on the Supremacy by now but she thought it to him anyway even though he couldn't hear.

It was time to stitch the wound. It was time to leave The First Order.

 **The End**


End file.
